⚠️ PARODY WEBSITE — This is a satirical parody site. Billy's Auto Storage is a fictional business created for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. This site does not represent any real auto body shop. ⚠️

🔧 WELCOME TO BILLY'S AUTO STORAGE     🚗 YOUR CAR IS IN GOOD HANDS     💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY     ⭐ BEST SHOP 1994!     🔧 WE'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY     🚗 EST. 1987     💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY     ⭐ AWARD WINNING SERVICE*    
BILLYS AUTO STORAGE
CALL US ANYTIME*
📞 (420) 696-6969
*Phones may go to voicemail
⚠️ STORAGE FEES BEGIN THE MOMENT YOUR VEHICLE ARRIVES — $300/DAY — NO EXCEPTIONS ⚠️
★ OUR PRIMARY SERVICE ★

Vehicle Storage

$300/Day

Our most consistently delivered service. Available immediately. No appointment necessary. Fees begin upon arrival and continue until your vehicle leaves our lot.

FULL FEE POLICY & CALCULATOR →
WHAT $300/DAY LOOKS LIKE
1 Day
Minimum charge
$300
1 Week
Parts still on order
$2,100
1 Month
Estimate still pending
$9,000
3 Months
Billy is reviewing your file
$27,000
6 Months
Equipment still calibrating
$54,000
1 Year
You are next in line
$109,500
Current Record (847 days)
Repair status: Pending
$254,100
ALSO OFFERED

Our Services

Billy's Auto Storage offers a comprehensive range of automotive repair services. Completion timelines are estimates only and subject to change without notice.

💰 REMINDER:All vehicles on our lot accrue $300/day in storage fees regardless of which repair service you selected — including while we review your file, order parts, calibrate equipment, or wait for Billy to return from vacation.
🚗

Collision Repair

STATUS: ACCEPTING VEHICLES
QUOTED / ACTUAL
4–6 weeks* / 14–18 months

From minor fender benders to major structural damage, our team has the expertise to restore your vehicle to its pre-accident condition. We use only the finest parts — when they arrive.

*Estimate assumes parts are in stock, which they are not.

✅
Initial AssessmentCOMPLETE
⏳
Parts OrderedPENDING (3–6 months)
⬜
Actual RepairNOT STARTED
⬜
Paint & FinishNOT STARTED
⬜
Quality CheckNOT STARTED
🔧

Frame Straightening

STATUS: EQUIPMENT CALIBRATING
QUOTED / ACTUAL
1–2 weeks* / 8–12 months

Our state-of-the-art frame straightening equipment — acquired in 2003 — is capable of restoring your vehicle's structural integrity. The machine is currently being recalibrated.

*Equipment recalibration began Q2 2024. Status: Ongoing.

✅
Frame InspectionCOMPLETE
⏳
Equipment SetupCALIBRATING
⬜
Frame CorrectionNOT STARTED
⬜
Alignment CheckNOT STARTED
⬜
Sign-OffNOT STARTED
🎨

Paint & Refinishing

STATUS: AWAITING COLOR MATCH
QUOTED / ACTUAL
3–5 days* / 6–9 months

Our paint booth delivers a factory-quality finish using premium automotive paints. We take color matching very seriously, which is why we haven't started yet.

*Color match approval requires sign-off from Billy personally. Billy is currently on vacation.

✅
Color Sample SubmittedCOMPLETE
⏳
Color Match ApprovalAWAITING BILLY
⬜
Surface PrepNOT STARTED
⬜
Paint ApplicationNOT STARTED
⬜
Clear Coat & PolishNOT STARTED
🪟

Glass Replacement

STATUS: PARTS ON ORDER
QUOTED / ACTUAL
Same day* / 4–7 months

Windshield and window replacement using OEM or equivalent glass. We have a standing order with our supplier. The order was placed in February.

*Same-day service available when glass is in stock. Glass has not been in stock since 2022.

✅
Glass OrderedORDERED FEB 2024
⬜
Glass ReceivedNOT YET
⬜
InstallationNOT STARTED
⬜
Seal InspectionNOT STARTED
⬜
CompletionNOT STARTED
🔍

Damage Assessment

STATUS: AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY
QUOTED / ACTUAL
1–2 hours / 1–2 hours

Our most reliable service. We will assess your vehicle's damage promptly and provide a written estimate. Note: receiving an estimate does not initiate repairs. Storage fees begin at vehicle drop-off.

This is genuinely the fastest thing we do.

✅
Vehicle Drop-OffTRIGGERS STORAGE FEE
✅
Visual InspectionSAME DAY
✅
Written EstimateWITHIN 48 HOURS
⬜
Repair Scheduling3–6 MONTHS OUT
⬜
Actual RepairsSEE ABOVE
💰

Vehicle Storage

STATUS: ★ MOST POPULAR ★
QUOTED / ACTUAL
Ongoing / Ongoing

Our most consistently delivered service. At $300 per day, your vehicle will be stored securely on our lot for as long as it takes. No completion date required.

Storage fees are non-negotiable, non-refundable, and begin accruing upon vehicle arrival.

✅
Vehicle ArrivesFEE BEGINS
⬜
Day 2$600 TOTAL
⬜
Day 30$9,000 TOTAL
⬜
Day 365$109,500 TOTAL
⬜
Day 847 (Current Record)$254,100 TOTAL

All completion timelines are estimates and do not constitute a guarantee or contract. Storage fees accrue regardless of repair status. Billy's Auto Storage is not responsible for delays caused by parts availability, equipment malfunction, staff vacation, or acts of God. *Award-winning status refers to the 1994 Regional Body Shop Appreciation Plaque, which is displayed in the waiting room.

🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧

Billy's Auto Storage

Serving the community since 1987. Your vehicle is our priority. We will get to it.

📍 1247 Industrial Blvd, Unit C
Somewhere, USA 00000

Hours of Operation

Mon–Fri9am–5pm*
Saturday10am–2pm*
SundayClosed

*Hours subject to change without notice. Storage fees continue regardless of hours.

Our Awards

⭐ Best Shop 1994*
🏆 Customer Choice Award*
🥇 Most Vehicles on Lot 2019
📋 Fully Licensed (Pending)
🔧 Wrench Excellence Award*

Contact Us

📞 (420) 696-6969

📠 (420) 696-6970

✉️ [email protected]

💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY
Billed from day of arrival

*Free estimate does not include diagnostic fee, lot fee, administrative processing fee, or storage fees accrued during the estimate period. Storage fees of $300/day begin upon vehicle arrival and continue until vehicle is removed from premises. Billy's Auto Storage is not responsible for vehicles left on premises beyond 30 days, though storage fees will continue to accrue. Award claims are self-reported. "Pending" certifications have been pending since 2003. All work is performed on a best-effort basis with no guaranteed completion timeline.

© 1987–2026 Billy's Auto Storage. All Rights Reserved. | Website last updated: 2009